With each new generation, our familial roles are expanded; children become parents, and parents become grandparents. The smallest member has a great impact on the “bigger” ones, creating a huge event in the family system’s history simply by being born and, simultaneously, helping them to feel small in comparison to those bigger forces perpetuating the whole system. In other words, never underestimate the power of a baby.
We need to remain ‘small” regarding our childhood and let the adult decisions remain with those who were adults. This is part of what makes the Hellinger process so amazing. It provides us access to the inner workings of the system at large while still allowing us to retain our “smallness.” Accepting things as they were, good, bad, or indifferent, is all that we can do. As powerless as we may be to change the facts, we certainly needn’t be victimized by our perceptions of them. Truth be told, this is perhaps the hardest and yet most important “pattern” to break. Hellinger observes that on some deep level, we have agreed to pay a price to be part of the system into which we were born. Once we recognize this covert aspect of human nature, we can release ourselves from the ego’s belief that things could-a, would-a, should-a been different. They weren’t. We often try, however, to relive or recreate the past by seeking what is familiar, including misery.
~from “Many Hearts, One Soul” by Gary Stuart
Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.
— Marcus Aurelius