We so often remain victims as adults because we subconsciously think our parents aren’t strong enough to carry the weight of their actions — they are. By doing so, they regain their dignity and self-respect. By continuing to play the “victim,” we continue to carry the weight, thus denying them their responsibility and their chance at redemption, which consequently, denies us our own.
This is where Bert Hellinger’s discoveries can truly help. His modality allows us to take our place, know our place, accept how it all happened and, above all, see how we consent to it. This is what adulthood means. The past may not be undone, but its ramifications can be transformed to create a brighter future. It is our perception that has to change, and everything else will follow. We can release the generational hold of the past by embracing it with love and honor, and by believing that it simply was as it had to be. Now, they can carry their part and we carry ours. Again, our parents will always be our parents, and we will always be their child, just as they will always be our grandparents’ children. We are always “small” in our original family system, even after we start one of our own. This is all part and parcel, if you will, of belonging to a family.
The beauty of Hellinger’s observations is that they provide a “way out” of our old patterns by allowing us to see our problems with fresh eyes. Again, his Constellation process allows us a window into the inner workings of life’s spiritual checks and balances, helping us to see the inherent order of things and understand why they are as they are.
It is truly a glorious opportunity to glimpse the invisible and unknown forces that shape the elements of our daily lives. We get to see, hear, feel and fully perceive that positive charge where once there was only a negative perception. The results are as difficult to describe as the work itself, yet they are easy to feel and understand once experienced in context. This process gives us the chance to witness and honor the suffering of those who came before us and to truly feel compassion for a fate very much worse than our own. It is important to do so, of course, so that we can separate ourselves from it. We must be able and willing to bow down with respect to them, for they were our creators, and we must remain humbled by them. Again, when we allow ourselves to be small, we give ourselves room to grow. Our ego mind tells us we are in control, but to truly be, we must be willing to relinquish it to certain, greater forces. This is one of the Divine paradoxes of our dualistic universe. We all have the same propensity to suffer, yet we also share the same propensity for joy. Only the stories of how we came to be are different. We are all one under the sun, no one better, no one worse – just equal.
The more I experience this modality’s wonderful peek into the systemic family dynamics of the human race, the more this pearl of wisdom regarding equality seems to prevail. Positive change starts within. When we open our hearts to the unknown, a new perception of the truth can enter. Perhaps what we have perceived as negative has merely been an illusion filtered through unopened eyes of those who came before. Perhaps we carried their burdens because we thought we were supposed to in order to belong. We don’t have to pay any price to belong. We may still want to, but that is our choice; therefore, we can choose not to. I honestly believe that this is our ancestors’ wish for us – to be able to simply enjoy the wonders of life unencumbered, as perhaps they could not. They do not want or need us to carry their baggage for them.
This, again, speaks to the amazing quantum property of this Constellation work. By altering our legacy, we alter theirs. Perhaps we can be the ones who finally bring a sense of inner peace back to our family system. Perhaps, when we can truly see this world as the beautiful, loving, perfect place that it is, those who came before us will see it through our eyes, as well. Perhaps they will then truly rest in peace, knowing that we finally get it. Loving life and living life in its entirety is where enlightenment begins. Welcome to love. Welcome to life. Welcome to a future you might never have thought possible. For everything in our lives to transform, only one thing has to – our perception. This work affords us that opportunity.
From “Many Hearts, One Soul” by Gary Stuart